I have always been quite a closed book when it comes to expressing the way I feel and to be honest I haven’t had an outlet until recently. I tried to play an instrument as a teenager but both electric and acoustic guitars are displayed but collecting dust in my childhood bedroom. When I really think about it I don’t know if it was just about not being musically “gifted” or just not believing in myself creatively. I’ve had issues with self belief for as long as I can remember and never thought I was good at anything so this has been a really deep entrenched thought process for a long time. There was something inside convincing me I was just not good enough.
When I faced a trauma in young adulthood I drew into myself even more and still didn’t have an outlet to express my feelings. That wasn’t until I had Art therapy and that was when I was 31! I always thought you had to be naturally really good at drawing or painting to be indulge yourself in Art. I remember saying to a school friend who studied art, that being in those classes was meant for people who could do realistic drawings really well; which she obviously disagreed on. I was adamant about my statement though.
Art therapy opened my eyes to how I thought about art in regards to me using it as a medium to express myself. I never pursued my interests, even with a gentle nudge from my parents, my sewing machine sat in the corner of my room too. I did practice but something wasn’t clicking and I wasn’t consistent with it. I wasn’t perfect at doing it straight away so I gave up. I never stuck at anything for a long amount of time so I easily gave up and gave into the voice that told me I was no good. I don’t know where this voice came from but it’s negativity has been plaguing me since I can remember.
I didn’t think I was good enough at drawing for that to be a process to let my emotions out but my art therapist taught me how to use art to connect with myself and to disconnect from the perfectionist in me that was holding me back.
But it wouldn’t be for another 2 years where I really found where I was comfortable creatively. I delved into the world of arts and crafts and I absolutely loved it. Whether or not you see arts and crafts as art (thats a different topic to delve into altogether) I fully felt crafting was my expression of human creativity and imagination. The process allowed me to immerse myself for hours and have a true mindful experience. I think I liked the functionality of arts and crafts too, to make some aesthetically beautiful and to use it as well really did ignite something inside me.
I found that the negative voice was slowly getting extinguished and was being pushed back into the background when I was creating. This has given me the motivation to practice certain crafts and get better at them.
I don’t dwell on my mistakes as much as I used to, I learn from them. If a project doesn’t quite turn out how I wanted, I see how I can tweak it. I’m allowing myself to learn and there is something very soothing in this process.
That negative voice still is there but I am learning to not follow it and to be kind to myself. My self belief is growing and I do not want to go back to that thinking process of feeling that I am not good at anything.
Trust in your abilities and have faith in your potential.
Do you have a negative inner voice when you are trying to pursue things creatively? How do you overcome them? Let me know in the comments below
(Disclaimer: images have been generated using AI image generator)
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